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If you were to go down the flight of stairs in the kitchen of my house, an uncertain, swinging light bulb would reveal through splintered and intermittent rays a dank basement cast in concrete and cinder block. As you descend the narrow, creaking wooden stairs spotted with chipping varnish, avoiding the low ceiling strangled by heat and plumbing pipes, you become aware of dimly-lit, almost primitive surroundings, reminiscent of an ancient, prehistoric cave. The floor is coated in dust and soot, the walls stained with a million once brilliant colors of paint, from crusades begun but never finished long ago.
When I was young, I loved this place. I would sit beneath the steps in the dark and look upon sights unseen, in the musty warmth of the boiler, taking in the cellar-smell all around me. All through my childhood it was refuge. My brothers would not seek me there because of the flight of stairs seemingly ready to break at every step, and the general gloom of the cellar which was too much for their delicate sensibilities.
However, when I had reached the philosophical age of fifteen, I began to draw a few less-than-encouraging conclusions from my love of this place. I remember seeing an ant in that cellar once. He was a real giant, black bulging body and antennae going like mad. He was a self-important little fellow, walking slowly but purposefully, with a kind of dignity. The ant continued its trek past me, oblivious to my presence, as though I were a hill, or a large tree, or perhaps the supermarket that he passed every day. It headed for a piece of dog biscuit near me which my dog had so obligingly left me earlier, and with some difficulty, loaded a small chunk on its broad, black back. It sauntered back into the darkness, then returned a few moments later for another piece, and another, and another.
I watched in a kind of fascination. This ant would live out its life in the confines of this cellar, in the dark, in obscurity, and none but I would know he existed at all. I pondered the injustice of this. I thought of my own fear of living my life in obscurity, of hard work, of carrying the load back and forth, back and forth, being perhaps a well-known little ant in my own circles, but not great enough to break through the veil of obscurity into public consciousness.
Insects and I do not generally get along, but I strangely felt no urge to crush this ant. I decided to let him live out his little ant-life in his private oblivion. As I returned to the first floor of my house, I thought of him. I would never see him again. If I did, I would have no way of knowing whether or not it was he or any of the other hundreds of thousands of slightly bigger than usual ants. I felt a strange, sad companionship with the little beast, and sat down to dinner, contemplative. When my parents questioned my unaccustomed silence, I merely shook my head, and remarked, "The unexamined life is not worth living." This gave my worthy parents some pause, but I did not think of them. I decided not to become an ant. I would henceforth live my life in relative daylight, if not in fame. I would not return to the basement. Except when my parents make me clean the floor.
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